Q: I have one simple question for you. Last week I had asked this girl out from my work and she said sure, but later that same day I found out she had a boyfriend. I was wondering if you knew of a good way to get her back, and teach her it’s not nice to lie.
A: Troubled Son-
Punishment? How do you know that she intended to spend any of "your" personal date time with her "other" boyfriend? If you're jumping the gun because she has something else on the burner, what does that say about you? Why don't you be a little cooler, funnier, and charming than the other guy? Fun walks, and jealousy stays home and writes bass guitar players email. Lighten up, my friend and get it on.
If you think I'm being a wise-ass, then listen up: It took me over six months to steal the love of my life from her "boyfriend". To be truthful, I didn't even know she was dating for most of that time, so that really wasn't much of a deterrent. But who cares? So instead of a suitable punishment, make her dinner. If you don't know how to cook, then get it together and go shopping. If you're still bitter, then read between the lines:
Sexual Punishment Thai Curry:
2 Tbl spoon Red Curry Paste (heaping if ya want the heat. Be careful, see note.)
2 14 oz. cans Coconut Milk
2 healthy pinches of garlic, ginger or Viagra. (They all do the same thing, Viagra just doesn't add much flavor to the mix…)
Your Choice (mix and match) 1-2 lb. chicken, broccoli, asparagus, mushrooms, whatever you want.
Rice
For the rice: 2 cups rice (follow directions on the back of package, use Jasmine rice if possible. Roughly 2 cups water to every cup of rice- boil then turn to low heat for one half hour until cooked. It is always better to have stickier rice. F*ck Uncle Ben.)
Curry: Purchase a carton of Thai Red Curry Paste from any of the Asian grocery stores on Nicollet Ave- a store on 27th and Nicollet has the one I like. Same with cans of coconut milk, although these are available in the "ethnic" sections of the local supermarket.
1. First start the rice. Heat the first can of the coconut milk, whisking in the full amount of curry. Cook slowly and thicken. If you are using chicken, cut up and add now. If serving vegetables, add five minutes before serving. Once thick and mean, add second can of coconut milk and reduce heat, cook twenty minutes.
2. Pour the wine. (You did buy wine, didn't you? Although the curry is red, you can't go wrong with a white. Don't overspend, this dish is already a load on the taste buds. A $7-8 bottle will do. Please, a little dry, and not too sweet. If in doubt, encourage her to bring the wine… why not? You want her to enjoy, right Romeo?)
3. Serve rice, curry (in separate bowls) along with salad, naan bread, or whatever you desire. Traditionally, serve in small, separate portions to sprinkle as garnish: raisons, nuts, coconut flakes, lemon zest, cilantro- whatever you like.
4. Enjoy the evening. I hate to say this, but it is better that you know now: If you served the curry super spicy, Do Not Accept a hummer from your date until she has neutralized her mouth (milk will do the trick). The same goes for you. There is nothing worse than a rippin' case of curry-dick. If you don't believe me then go "a-head" and pay the price.
For God Sakes my boy, Go In Peace