Interesting that you mention "Three Cups Of Tea". My wife read that book, and attended a presentation by its author. We have a collection box for "Pennies For Peace" sitting on our kitchen counter accumulating change.
I agree that addressing the root causes of violent fundamentalist Islam is important. But I also maintain that we have a responsibility to show courage here and take a stand. We can seek all the diplomatic and cross cultural communication that we want, but when it comes to our shores, the obligation is clear. We need to make it crystal clear that our society values toleration of different religious beliefs, and that we will not tolerate adherents of Islam or any other religion ignoring our laws or attempting to impose their own religious beliefs on others here due to some ill conceived notion of "cultural respect". If we truly respected cultures without regard for value judgements, ritual incest, female circumcision, and putting old folks on melting ice floes to die would be accepted here, too.
This isn't an issue of "What Happens In Afghanistan, Stays In Afghanistan". We are seeing a steadily mounting trickle of cultural bullying by Muslim immigrants here. A recent example that comes to mind is the Meditation Room at Normandale Community College, in which Muslim students have essentially bullied other students into abandoning the non-denominational space and turning it into a sexually segregated on-campus mosque.
It's also clear, based on the profiles we have obtained on terror and suicide attack suspects, that many of them are neither poor nor uneducated. On the contrary, a number of the most devastating and effective attackers are both wealthy and well-educated. How they chose to throw their lot in with vicious murdering fanatics is not explained by the "want" theory, and difficult to understand in any light.