City of Fakes

Rants and raves. Everyone's got a bone to pick!
Post Reply
Posts: 6
Joined: Sat Aug 26, 2006 11:52 am
Location: Minneapolis

City of Fakes

Post by Jokulhaups » Sun Aug 27, 2006 3:00 pm

We're very proud of this town. We think it's one of the cleanest, smartest and – at times – safest places in the country. We think very highly of how cultured we are. We look at the blue-collar humor that's so popular across rural Minnesota and feel like we're above that sort of thing. We don't watch NASCAR here, we watch PBS. We don't drink Budweiser, we drink imported beers from countries you didn't even know existed. But is that really so? I say no! Not at all. This little “utopia” is just a Hicksville with a coat of fresh paint.

1 - Manners

Minneapolitans like to think that they can handle themselves in any situation. We see people going to the opera on TV and first of all wish we had any opera to speak of. Then, when they're done lamenting the lack of any magic flutes in our local music halls, they think to themselves that they would know just how to behave at such a function. I'm afraid it just isn't so. Minneapolitans often find themselves with chances to prove their mettle on the cultural stage, and what I've seen is not good. People show up at Orchestra Hall wearing shorts. They hoot and holler at the end of theatrical productions as if they were sitting behind home plate at a Twins game. I suppose that's just it, isn't it? Everyone in this city is so used to the echoing confusion of yells at the Metrodome that they assume that's how it is everywhere else. I call out to you, City of Lakes – Orchestra Hall is not the place for your t-shirts and flip-flops. The Guthrie is not the place for foam fingers that say "#1" and it is not the place to tell the world just how much you love Shakespeare – at least not above a low whisper.

2 - Keeping Our Cool

Ask anyone to imagine Minneapolis and they'll tell you about an idyllic scene at Lake Calhoun or a quiet evening of music at Peavey Plaza. Everyone likes to imagine the tranquility of Minneapolis as ever present. But we just can't seem to stick with it. You'd think that a city with so many beautiful sights would provoke some kind of reverence in its people. But it isn't the case! I've been all over the country and I've never known quite so many hotheads as I have in this little burg. Everyone looks to be going about their business, but so much as bump into someone on the sidewalk and be ready to receive a tongue lashing. This sort of thing never happens in the big cities. There people are far too busy to care about some minor slight from a stranger. But here people seem to have nothing but time to yell and scream at the slightest opportunity.

3 – The Fair

Minneapolis can't claim the state fair. That's St. Paul's deal and they'll never let us forget it. So what do we do about the situation? Well, aside from deserting the city for a week every year to go east and eat cheese curds, we turn every festival here into a painful mockery of the State Fair. Take the Uptown Art Fair for example. Once upon a time, it was devised as a way for local artists to sell their wares in an upscale bohemian sort of way. Now what has it become? Cheap reproductions, beer tents and corn dogs! You may as well be shopping in the duty free store at the airport. There's about as much appreciation for art at the Art Fair as there is appreciation for Packers fans at the dome. All you see from end to end are people staring blankly at shoddy works of art, asking their friends "is this any good?". These people wouldn't know art if it ran up and stole their paper cup full of Miller Lite.

4 – Hypocrisy

If there's one thing Minneapolitans can get together on, it's insulting our neighbors. Whether we're going off about how hard it is to get around in St. Paul, talking about how the people in the suburbs don't know how it is "in the city" or pushing it a step further and insulting every state that borders us, we love to put everybody else down. Maybe that's where this idea that we're a cultural oasis comes from. Our own propaganda has worked so well that everybody around us sounds worse by comparison. Or maybe we're just the ones yelling the loudest. We're content to use the ultimate weapon of hypocrisy – "Minneapolis Nice". It's oh-so different from Minnesota Nice, doncha know? From ear to ear we smile as we tell people how quaint they are. We humor the outlanders from far flung places like Roseville and Minnetonka. We reinforce all of the best things about the city while we grind the dagger into their backs after they turn around. The whole city just can't seem to get it through their heads that we're no better than anyone outside our borders.

5 – Misplaced Pride

Lastly, there's the worst of all. Sometimes the people in this town are just too far gone to recognize when we're being made fun of. When someone from Minneapolis meets someone from another large city, they always get the same list of "things we know about Minneapolis". Prince. The movies "Fargo or "The Mighty Ducks". They tell us they know of these things and we just smile and say how happy we are to be involved in each one. Everybody in this city's got a story about how they met Prince one time (I know I do) or how they were going to be an extra in "Jingle All the Way" or "Untamed Heart". We gather up little factoids like, "did you know Mallrats was filmed in Eden Prairie Center? It's true!" or "Did you know that the only American member of Monty Python is from Medicine Lake? It's true!". And are they impressed? Of course not! Would you be impressed by someone from New York rattling off all the celebrities who grew up near there? Probably not. And they'd be a lot more famous than Terry Gilliam. We like to think of ourselves as one of the classiest places in the Midwest, if not the whole country. And it just isn't so.

Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Aug 28, 2006 8:56 pm
Location: minneapolis

And the ideal city is...?

Post by minnehoopilite » Mon Aug 28, 2006 9:30 pm


As a native of Way Up North, and Minneapolis citizen for the past decade, with the seasoning of a year and a half in Europe and expeditions to the major US cities, the best and most refreshing thing I found that Minneapolis has going for it is exactly what you b&m about: A gentle blending of a comparative odicum of culture and the local midwest flavor make for a much more palatable city than most.

We can't keep our cool, you say? You hinted you'd been to New York, but have you actually experienced it? New Yorkers take pride at screaming obscenities to total strangers for so much as a weird look. Every time I walk down a Minneapolis street (and I've lived in nasty neighborhoods), I'll encounter someone who smiles and says hello to a total stranger. What standard, exactly, are you comparing us to?

You mention hypocrisy. You say we stab our neighboring states in the backs. Ever been to any of those states? Do you understand good-natured rivalry, and its inevitability? All our bordering states make the same jokes and slurs about us, that's the nature of any border at all. Whence comes your bitterness?

What, exactly, is your problem? You seem to prefer we be ashamed of our city. Although, I agree, I avoid Uptown and laugh at Block E for some of the reasons you list. Maybe you should meet some new people from different parts of the city, because the majority of them don't live in those spots and laugh at the people there, too.

Of course, you could always move elsewhere and find new things to b&*ch about. Why do you stay here anyway?

Posts: 1292
Joined: Sun Jul 30, 2006 9:57 am

And now for something completely indifferent

Post by OdinofAzgard » Tue Aug 29, 2006 8:17 pm

And they'd be a lot more famous than Terry Gilliam.

C'mon. A lot more famous than Terry Gilliam? Is that even possible?

Posts: 38
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2006 12:39 am
Location: Eden Prairie

Post by Voo » Tue Aug 29, 2006 10:56 pm

Agreed about the Uptown Art Fair. "WHO LIKES WICKER?? OMG, I BOUGHT THIS IN UPTOWN! That makes it way cooler than anything you own! Uptown has people in dark framed glasses and actual punk rockers! Uptown has neat boutiques and garbage in the streets! Once I saw a homeless girl! I bought it in Uptown!"

Posts: 170
Joined: Fri Aug 04, 2006 3:02 pm
Location: Minneapolis

Post by luciensar » Thu Aug 31, 2006 12:24 pm

Voo wrote:"WHO LIKES WICKER??"
Wow I just laughed milk out of my nose. You hit that nail right on the head :)

Posts: 19
Joined: Sun Jul 09, 2006 9:23 pm
Location: Jamaica & Minneapolis

Post by Gaia-G » Sun Sep 03, 2006 2:49 pm

Hi, Gaia-G checking in here. I really liked your response, Minnesota Native "minnehoopilite", to this topic. Your reply seems heartfelt and portrays us in a gentle hue. I think, that Jokulhaups, however, was really just poking fun at ourselves; my take is that Jokulhaups' post was intended to make us chuckle a bit.

So I was thinking what if we all write a piece poking fun at the Twin Cities and/or write a piece displaying examples of the kindness and beauty of our people? Either way, it is a fun idea to examine ourselves in different lights. G

Posts: 362
Joined: Sun Jun 11, 2006 8:43 pm
Location: Minneapolis Uptown

Post by Frasier » Sun Sep 24, 2006 7:54 am

... we turn every festival here into a painful mockery of the State Fair. Take the Uptown Art Fair for example. Once upon a time, it was devised as a way for local artists to sell their wares in an upscale bohemian sort of way. Now what has it become? Cheap reproductions, beer tents and corn dogs!
This is so freaking true! Some of the artists are quite good. Too bad they come here with high hopes, but to find out at the end of the day that they are at the wrong place. If you get a truck load of cheap art works from Wal-Mart, that may turn out to be the best-seller.

Posts: 6
Joined: Tue Nov 07, 2006 7:36 pm
Location: West Saint Paul, MN

Jenny Craig should go to the fair

Post by Quack1029 » Tue Nov 07, 2006 8:04 pm

and fat people. You can't shake your food on a stick without running into a fate person in a takn top carring one of those absurd measuring sticks from a tv station booth, proudly sporting a fanny pack, a bucket o' much needed sweet marth'a cookies and a crescent of sweat under each breast. Where oh where is the Jenny Craig booth????

Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Dec 06, 2006 5:37 pm

Twin Cities is So Overated

Post by garva » Wed Dec 06, 2006 5:38 pm

Twin Cities is So Overated -Wake Up


I have been living here for the last 13 years, after coming from a small town. Went to school in Duluth at UMD, so I met a lot of native Twin Citites up there. Its the reason why I didn't move here until I needed a job (the only reason I'm here). Would probably move to North Carolina if I hadn't bought a house. I find the Twin cities so overrated , especdially by the people themselves (what else could you expect?). Not slamming everyone, becasue i've met a lot of neet people. I have also noticed transplants to be much nicer , that is if they dont become "Twin Citified." What do I mean by that?. After living and working here (god help me, the workplaces), as well as getting my first taste of "TC people" in college, I have found the following:
1) The air of self importance and arrogance is so incredible from people here, its amazing. I have never met so many snobs and spoiled people as when I moved here. Most TC people grew up with silver spoons in their mouth so never developed character, loyalty, kindness, compassion etc . By many of my experiences the MO seems to be: what's the next best thing, can't handle ANY inconvenience, and get out of my way (witness the traffic rudeness and road rage around here).
2) The God of Money - many of the TC people I know live for their jobs and MONEY. The greatest thing for many is their stupid job and retirement account. Its amazing how many places don't take checks because TC people are so overextended trying to impress everyone by buying everything, which leads to point 3.
3) Phonyness - so many TC people are abject phonies, say one thing to your face and act in anothre behind your back, or are total conformists so they "fit in and look good."
4) Materialistic - TC people always have to keep up with the Jones, even if it means racking the credit cards to oblivion. Always have to upgrade houses, stuff, etc.
5) Workplace Cutthroat- I have worked in other cities but have never seen so much cutthroat politics as in the TC workplace.

..and the great no 6:
6) I have never seen a city with such unfriendly people , who take themselves so seriously and have little senses of humor. So many in the TC can't laugh at themselves ( of course when you're so important how can you right?). Say hi or try and strike up a conversation to someone and see what you get back most (not all of the time). Kind of reminds me of my friend's story of going to the metrodome with his visiting parents of S Carolina and them trying to strike up a conversation with people next to them. The people up and shifted so there were 6 seats between. Whay else would the TC ranks as 3rd worst city for dating in many recent on line magazine polls ( dont blame it on winter either).

So say I'm negative, but hey, when you have lived in other places, you have a better objective read on a society's environment. So TC people, don't think your the greatest. Your not. Someone has to tell you so. I've lived in Chicago. Much friendlier people.
Lamborghini gallardo history
Last edited by garva on Thu Feb 24, 2011 8:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Dec 06, 2006 5:37 pm

also, the women and dating in this city...

Post by garva » Fri Dec 08, 2006 1:35 pm

..from my own experience and many friends , plus observations ..I have never seen so many sexless, cold, lefty, quasi-lesbo, feminist, women-who-hated-their-fathers bagged women as in MPls ( St. Paul has its share but not like the big M). My current mate is from Iowa thankfully, so I'm glad I'm not i nthe dating scene in this city wonder TC got voted 3rd worse place for singles in recent on line polls..ladies, try being sweeter, less materialistic, and yes, sex is good (rather than living alone with your 3 cats and never doing much of anything except getting your car filled with gas and watching stupid sit coms).. :shock:
Mercedes-benz w108 specifications
Last edited by garva on Thu Mar 17, 2011 10:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

Posts: 362
Joined: Sun Jun 11, 2006 8:43 pm
Location: Minneapolis Uptown

Re: Twin Cities is So Overated

Post by Frasier » Fri Dec 08, 2006 1:44 pm

garva wrote: 1) The air of self importance and arrogance is so incredible from people here, its amazing. I have never met so many snobs and spoiled people as when I moved here.
Amen! Every place has snobs. NYC, Chicago, Boston, Seattle to name a few. But snobs in other cities at least know how to behave themselves in public. Here the TC snobs want to let people know they are the classy social elites, but go to any high-society's functions or venues that are for "people-with-class", all you see is a bunch of trailer-trash rednecks.
garva wrote: I have never seen so many sexless, cold, lefty, quasi-lesbo, feminist, women-who-hated-their-fathers bagged women as in MPls.
This is so freaking true! The worst thing is that these women think they are hotter than Paris Hilton (not that I think Paris Hilton is hot).

the heretic
Posts: 58
Joined: Mon Apr 02, 2007 9:27 pm
Location: Bimini Atoll

Your mission, should you choose to accept it:

Post by the heretic » Wed May 02, 2007 6:37 pm

Move to Saint Paul!

No Uptown Unart Unfair; just loft upon loft full of hard-working artists, and the odd Crawl.

No creepy segregation issues.

All right that last isn't entirely, exactly true … but I'm tellin' ye: it is much more diverse than Lilyapolis, and intertwingled in much closer quarters, too. None o' that North Side Apartheit the City of Lakes is so justly famous for.

It's pretty. And the parks are really cool.

All of the cool antique cars in the world live here, as do many of the super souped-up moderns á la Fast & Furious. I shouldn't have to add this but said automobiles naturally seem to attract an incredible assortment of beautiful women. It's kinda uncanny if you think about it & if I didn't have the Misa, here, holding the whip-hand (so to speak) I'd have to think heavily about trading in the Reichsmobile for something just a little bit faster off the line …

Not easy to get around? A load of shite. Just takes a little practice and some imaginative sympathy with those famously drunken Irish street-designers.

A — slightly — less propagandistic daily paper. Very slightly less.

Plus, you can park your caboose outside the Capitol and freely hassle — with ease! — those legislators who really get up your nose. (This last is a big favourite of mine. Usually performed while conjuring sympathy with the aforementioned drunken Irish etc.)

While we're on the subject of streets: Caeser Chavez Boulevard. Who's more liberal now, punks?

Actual "neighborhood bars." Living over yon, I'd come to think these were a thing of the antedeluvian past (if you discount the awesome Adrian's Pub on Chicago Avenue South & 48th).

Cafés at seven a.m. are weirdly … quiet. No chirping cells, no shouting Yuptowners, no nothing. Just working-persons, drinking coffee and eating pastries. I don't know … not sure I can get used to this.


The Mother Of All Farmer's Markets.

Despite all the things I've written here, an unusual lack of hyped-up, we're-the-best, too-cool-for-school horse-hockey. This is the true reason I like it so much; it kinda reminds me of Seattle (before Seattle was over-run by fugitives from Manhattan & LA). Plus it's less expensive in general.

A better skyway. 'Nuff said.

The Minnesota Rollergirls. (Or, if you prefer, the Ordway.)

Significantly yummy Italian food, not to mention pho that must make the masterminds around Nicolett & 26th turn collectively green.

Lastly, converts from Minneapolis seem to be looked upon over here with something approaching religious awe. Not sure why … and don't care.

Too busy consuming free drinks …

Post Reply